How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids by Carla Naumburg PhD | Book Discussion & Review

How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids

by Carla Naumburg, PhD

How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids

Book Summary:

“Ever lose it with your kid? If so, you’re definitely not alone. Parenting is stressful, children are insane, and you’re only human. Carla Naumburg, PhD, a clinical social worker, was so at a loss with her daughters that she found herself Googling “how to stop yelling at my kids” during a particularly grueling evening. That moment led to this book—a short, empathic, insight-packed, and tip-filled program for how to manage your triggers, stop the meltdowns, and become a calmer, happier parent with calmer, happier kids.

How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids not only explains why we explode at our children but also teaches us everything we need to know to decrease stress and increase patience, even in the most challenging family moments.

Based on recent research and evidence-based practices, and written in the warm, funny, instantly relatable tone of a parent who’s been there, the book guides even the most harried parents toward a new way of engaging with their children. Readers will come away feeling less ashamed and more empowered to get their sh*t together, instead of losing it.”

My Rating:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⁣

My Review:

I remember so clearly the kind of parent I was going to be before I had kids…and then I became a parent. Our kids are kind, funny, curious, loving and they can totally make me lose my sh*t. We have two boys who are two years apart in age and parenting can feel like a total rollercoaster ride. No matter how hard you try, you are not going to be a perfect parent.

“When it comes to parenting, being awesome and screwing up are not mutually exclusive.” -Carla Naumburg

My Own Experience:

I can recall with such vivid memories how completely overwhelmed I was when our first son was a baby because the physically demanding aspects of parenting an infant who cried a lot and slept, umm, not a lot were 24/7. I was exhausted. As the years went by and we added a second child, not only did parenting feel physically hard but it became emotionally hard. This is also when we entered the stage of “losing our sh*t”.

You think it won’t happen to you, but then it does. Have you ever tried strapping a screeching toddler into a car seat while they are whacking you in the face while also making their entire body as straight and stiff as a board? Have you ever wanted to take a 3-minute shower without referring two children who are fighting over a toy neither one has previously played with in years? Have you ever been on a last minute work phone call and had to say “I am going to have to call you back” because you can’t hear anyone over the screeching of your children in the background of the car, who you previously explained to that you needed to make this important phone call? There are thousands of more examples, but this is just an example of how you may get to the “losing your sh*t” zone of parenting.

What This Book is About:

How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids is a relatable and approachable discussion and action guide relating to the stresses of modern-day parenting. Naumburg starts with defining why parents can sometimes lose it, and then goes into the different steps of how you work towards losing it less.

The Most Important Steps:

TRIGGERS: Understand your triggers…we all have them even though they may be very different.

AWARENESS. Know what pushes your buttons and own it.

REFLECT. Having some insight into the WHY can help you have a plan.

REDUCE TRIGGERS: Work on reducing triggers. This makes you feel less out of control and enables you to be more proactive when you get into moments of frustration.

COMPASSION. Have compassion both with yourself and with your children…and really, the world around you. When you can look at something from a more empathetic viewpoint, it is easier to own the situation and then move forward. You always have another chance to have a more positive interaction.

SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS. In a fast-paced world, parents are juggling more things than ever before. Finding ways to take care of yourself actually makes YOU a better parent. Find your village and support system and choose wisely when saying YES…the fewer overcommitments the fewer triggers you might have. Unitask when you are able…multitasking usually causes nothing to get done well and often results in massive frustration levels for all.

Approachable, Proactive & Real:

I found this book to be approachable and real, yet also great at calling out what our issues might be so we can be more proactive about them in the future. There was a great balance of reflection and action no matter what your situation or triggers. Naumburg strives for progress, not perfection which feels attainable when you are in the thick of it.

Naumburg discusses with great detail how to catch yourself when you are in or about to enter a “losing it” moment and has reachable suggestions such as “notice, pause and do literally anything else”. I loved the section on compassion, both with ourselves and with our children. When we lose it, which will still happen sometimes, no matter how many things we put in place to stop it, the most important thing we can do is own it.

Reconnecting with ourselves can help guide us to why we might have reacted that way and provide us an opportunity to think about practical things we can put in place to help it from happening again…such as scheduling self-care, reaching out to our support system, etc.

Another step in compassion is reconnecting with our children. Getting calm and apologizing is one of the most powerful parts we can do, not only to repair and respect our relationships with our kids but also to help them see how powerful talking through moments can be for both parties.

Final Thoughts:

I found so many parts of this book helpful and highly recommend it to any parent who is looking for proactive and attainable advice. Thank you to NetGalley and Workman Publishing Company for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Coffee Talk Tuesday | Currently…

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Hello! How is your week going? I always feel like the week after school break feels like a constant cycle of catch up. We are also heading into our busy season with work which means we have a lot of things coming up to plan for which is exciting and also a little nervewracking. I find the anticipation of something always much with stressful than the actual events so I just need to remember that. 🙂

We are teaching our intermediate photography class this weekend which is always so much fun and I can’t wait to see everyone again! We are also teaching another Your Life Your Memories class in April since our last one was very successful!

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It also inspired me to get caught up on my photo printing and I can’t wait for my Chatbooks order to arrive in the mail!! If you haven’t taken advantage of the discount code yet you should before it expires this week! It is code BOOKWORM for $10 off your first Chatbooks order. You can find more info HERE.


Currently listening to…

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On a semi-controversial note… I used my March Audible credit to get Girl, Stop Apologizing. Now, in all honesty, I struggle a lot with some of the actions Hollis has taken during the last year since her first book was released. I understand the controversy and have really had a change of heart about my initial (more positive)feelings I had when I read her first book, Girl, Wash Your Face at the beginning of 2018.

I did find Girl, Wash Your Face to have some inspiring moments (and some that made me cringe) but it was also written before she had the social media empire she has today. I loved how her book talked about not caring so much about what other people think, setting and working hard for your goals and not canceling on your own self-care.

Unfortunately, once I started following her on social media, this all felt like a total scam. The idea that we can all have the “American Dream” if we just work hard, is so unbelievably out of touch if privileges are not accounted for first…

It is absolutely unfair to say that you can have her “lifestyle” by working “hard” when so so many people juggle so much and are barely making it by. Are they just not working hard enough? No. I think you can still share advice but I think having some perspective is necessary. She also sets up this idea that nothing is ever enough, and we should always be striving for more which I think is a very dark path to follow.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with setting big dreams for yourself, but I also disagree with some of the ways she is getting herself there…These articles summarize some of my feelings in a much more eloquent way than I could so check them out if you are interested…

Girl, Get Some Footnotes: Rachel Hollis, Hustle and Plagiarism Problems 

Influencer Rachel Hollis Is Facing Accusations She is Plagiarising On Her Instagram

I am going to listen to this out of curiosity and also to have my own impression of her book. I try very hard to review books with an open mind but I also will be looking at this book through a different lens now. I hope to report back soon with my thoughts on this book.


Currently drinking…

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So much green tea! I love having caffeine all day but I am really trying to limit my coffee drinking to just the morning time…which is a work in progress. 😉 I love drinking warm tea this time of year and it is just such a cozy routine, especially when I am working from home.

Currently eating…

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Every year I say I am not going to buy them and then they appear at our house at the end of February… I am a thin mints lover and they are even better when you eat them right from the freezer. What is your favorite Girl Scout Cookie?

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On a more healthy note…I recently became a subscriber of Care Of Vitamins. Yes, I have totally listened to way too many podcasts lately because their advertisements totally worked on me…and their $40 off your first order was a big incentive to try it out.

I am a huge vitamin lover but I also struggle with them always running out at different times and the number of bottles in my fridge is a little out of control! This is the perfect alternative for me and I loved that I was able to personalize the vitamins to my needs. I now have a monthly delivery that includes a multivitamin, probiotics, omegas and more. They will be perfect to travel with and although I love my AM/PM vitamin container but I won’t miss lugging it around in my carry on baggage. 😉

I will report back in a couple of months and share if I am still loving them!


 

Fitting in more reading into your daily life | small blocks of reading time

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I think it is very natural to wonder “how do they have time for that?” whenever you hear about someone devoting a lot of time to a specific hobby or activity. I am in my mid-thirties, which means many of my friends are in the same boat as me…we have kids, partners, busy careers and life just doesn’t have a lot of “downtime” right now.

A lot of us are also beyond the stage of baby and toddlerhood and are reclaiming some of our time and identities as our kids are getting older and more independent but that doesn’t necessarily mean life has slowed down at all. I do a lot of reading in the evenings but that free time is becoming shorter and shorter as our kids get older because their bedtime is now so close to when ours is..and I am sure in a few years, even later!

I have found that fitting more reading into my life doesn’t usually mean adding in long afternoons reading on the couch(although I did do that the other weekend and it was amazing) but more of finding smaller blocks of open time during my regular daily schedule.

It is easy to look at your calendar and not see a lot of free time but most of us have 10-15 minute blocks of times during our weekdays. I spend time waiting before my workout classes, before work meetings and appointments and in the car before I pick up the kids at school and when they are at a sports practice or afterschool activity. I have even read while waiting for a coffee or in line at the grocery store. All of this time really adds up and has been a great way to add in more reading time without having to adjust anything in a big way.

This means that I just need to be proactive and remember to put my book or Kindle in my work bag and then I am ready to read anytime there is some open space. I do have some friends that use the Libby or Kindle app and read right on their phones which is even easier because whoever forgets that. 😉


How do you fit in extra reading time? I would love to hear! <3